Jun 17, 2009

sometimes i’m stupid

sometimes i think the whole bike racing thing renders me completely stupid. i suppose it could be argued that i was stupid before the whole bike racing thing, but that’s not relevant right now.

the particular stupid to which i am referring is during a race. take last weekends’ race for example: i am feeling all iamwomanhearmeroar and actually get the break. i see it go. and i go too. and as i’m going, girls just seem to be falling backwards on the hill and i’m passing them and i am feeling great. not only about passing people and moving up, but very literally, feeling really good. and i am thrilled beyond belief to be what seems to me at the time, about the 4th girl in line with the break.

and then

the very next thing i know is i am no longer anywhere near a break, or even the pack, the girls i just passed are somehow ahead of me and i’m chasing a girl who has fallen off the pack.

wtf? what happened between A and B? one minute i am feeling like the king of the world and the next, i am clinging to a life raft. how did that happen? the whole fatal flaw of hitting the iceberg was spliced out and left on the cutting room floor and i’m just dumbfounded as to how i ended up on the life raft.

it’s not the first time i’ve experienced complete mental block during a race and whole segments of the race ended up on the cutting room floor. my husband will often ask me questions like, what did you do next? or who’s wheel were you on? or why were you out in the wind? gapping off? was it a bad shift? did i touch those damn brakes? the list of my mistakes is endless, but my response is usually a vapid stare and an i don’t know.

all that debilitating fear that always used to hold me back is gone. now if i can just lose the stupid, i should have this racing thing all figured out.

i might start wearing a helmet cam. that way, we can just replay the footage over and over again and see the precise moment i hit that iceberg. ah yes. see – right there – she went up and to the left. up and to the left.


René said...

my first thought would be, it wasn't you, it was the other riders that got so pissed off that you passed them they used their anger to boost them!

Gotta Run..... said...

you crack me up!! I vote for the cam. I want to see the madness you sign up for. :)

Groover said...

So total amnesia, hey? Do you usually still know your name and where you are and what year it is? Maybe you shouldn't mix vodka in your drink bottles? LOL Helmet cam is the way to go, girl.

Judi said...

who knows zanne. bike racing is just so hard. and you have balls to go out and do it and you just do your best. sometimes it's good, sometimes it sucks.

zencycle said...

There is good and bad here. First, you're showing that you clearly have the fitness to go with a break. This is good.

then, you show that in your ability to push yourself deep into the red (still good) you lose mental acuity (bad...very bad).

There is only one cure for this, targeted training. Hard intervals, sprint workouts. you need your body to be able to keep some glycogen for your brain, not burn it chasing a break.

Fueling properly before the race helps loads as well. This is going to be very specific to your physiology, but it will undoubtedly some type of carbohydrate performance drink mix. You'll have to find out by experimentation.

We know one thing, What ever you fueled on for this race wasn't right.

mom said...

i'll go with the cam too....

uh, maybe not. it would probably freak me out watching you... : )

just reading your blog gets my heart all racy...!!
have fun this weekend...hugs & love

mom said...

oh! forgot....you are NOT stupid


bsegal said...

First off, if its stupidity, then we both are because I've had this same experience, minus the Iamwoman part(natch). One minute you're in the mix and the next thing you know.....well if you're me it usually involves the f word really loud.
What does coach say? I'll chip in on a helmet cam, but only if I get full creative license.
Seriously, think of how far you've come. The next step is less about mileage than a sudden "aha!!" Moment.
Then tell me what happen.
Damned if I know either.

zanne said...

dude. i'm all about throwing down the F word when things (me) get really stupid!

i gotta say, the idea of the helmet cam is super intriguing ... although i do have to say that in races since this one, some new shit has come to light and I think i have figured out what my fatal flaw usually is ... (cliffhanger)

fueling didn't even occur to me as i felt (physically) SO good ... that said, my head was in a super bad place that morning, i did not eat my usual breakfast & I know that with this recent heat, i've been a bit dehydrated. I should know better than to have fueling issues, but maybe that was the case that day.