and so of course when i am upright & semi-lucid,
i do one of the things i do best.
about this tiredness.
i don't see a reason for it.
so i think: ohmygodiamsotiredicantstanduphowamigoingtoqualifyforboston?
you know - cause that makes sense.
the most logical explanation for certain things never even occurs to me. and i mean never. well. almost. never. sometimes it does, but not usually. i am a worst case scenario girl. and that is always the first thought.
and i realized; well, truth be told, i realized nothing - it had to be spelled out for me by my husband & coach (because of course, i needed feedback on my panic. panic feedback):
my husband is out of town this week. it's just me. and three kids.
while recovering from a 51 mile week.
and so, duh ... this is why i am tired.
my own idiocy & inability to see the logical explanation never ceases to amaze me.
and it takes this debillitating tiredness to appreciate my husband ... in that, you don't know what you got till its gone way. i mean, i know what i got. he's amazing. but i'm not sure i understood the magnitude of his support until he was gone - i go to bed early ... to stretch, to stick myself - to do whatever it is i need to do to qualify for boston. which sometimes means reading inspiring running stories. or, um ... Us Weekly. he takes care of the kids & the entire households' evening activities ... the dishes, the dogs, the signing of reading logs, the kids' lollygagging & prolonging their bedtimes, he does all the rubbing of their feet & backs, the teeth brushing, the umpteen trips to the bathroom, the reading with them, the telling them to stop jumping on their beds, the cracking of skulls and the sweeping, if-i-have-to-come-up-here-one-more-time announcements.
he does it all -
so i can go to sleep early & get up to run.
and we do it all over again.
and he puts up with my insanity, intensity, absurdity ... i swear, he was a psychiatrist in a past life, cause he can read me like a book - and i'll tell you - this book is whack. i'd never be where i am without him. i don't know how i would accomplish what i have without him. this training doesn't go as smoothly without him.
i'm spoiled. i'm lucky. i'm blessed. i'm loved.
and i'm waiting for him to come home -
cause i have got to get back on my 9pm bedtime program.
just 3 more weeks of crazy.