wardrobe malfunction

so i am swimming laps in the pool this morning.
fridays are my easy days -
30 minutes of pool running or laps. my choice.
since there is nothing easy about pool running, i choose laps.
so i'm swimming. i'm swimming.
i'm amused by the words "clean me" drawn into dirt at bottom of pool.
i like watching the bubbles that my arm makes on the strokes.
i can take an easy day to new heights. in short, i am in la-la land.
on slow, swimmy, planet suzanne.

but something is amiss.
something just doesn't feel right.
i finish the lap and look.
at my boob. and i can see it clearly. cause it's out. my boob. is out.
in all its very tiny glory. but its out nonetheless.

trade-offs & lessons learned

last night: another day, another club ride. the anxiety was setting in an hour before the ride just standing in my kitchen. i was thinking of blowing it off ... after all, i had already run that morning - what the hell did i need to kill myself on a ride for? my husband - who lovingly tells me i am a total head case - knows exactly why i am trying to weasle out ... he says - there's no hairpin turn in this one -- its a different route.

what? no hairpin turn? i'm in!

so there is (for once) ZERO anxiety going into ride. i don't even freak out when once on the roll, someone's water bottle is suddenly rolling all over the place and i miss it by a hair ... water off a ducks' back.

i'm good. i'm happy. i'm well ensconsed in the group.

then, my husband rolls up beside me & quietly says, this is not the group i want to be in ... i want to be in the group ahead of the one we are in. i think - no, that's the group YOU want to be in ... i'm good here. i'm happy here. why you gotta mess with my mojo? That's what i'm thinking - what i say to him is 'bite me. i am staying put'. i knew that picking up the pace to catch up to one group ahead was a recipe for anxiety - especially with a series of fast turns coming up.

but then, once we are out on river road - which is a good, long straight stretch ... i realize, and this pains me to say it - that my husband was right. this was not the group i wanted to be in. this group was far slower & far more unorganized. my husband & i tried to break away in the hopes of catching group just ahead ... but got stopped at a light & everyone caught up with us. then of course, the cocky girl who tries to pass everyone (that would be me) practically falls off her bike when her foot slips off pedal when trying to get going again. i think i got laughed at. so shit. i'll stay here.

its' crazy & unorganized, but its all a learning process ... i realized that i traded the need for a valium drip attached to me & bike for a slower ride. i think that it was a good trade. i knew i could do about 5mph faster - but i was ok with it. and so here's what i learned on last nights' ride: my husband is right.

haha. i should just end post here. imagine how much i could milk that statement.

anyhow - he says i've got the stregth & fitness level to be way up with first group. i just don't have the bike handling skills to stay with them in the first few miles through neighborhoods & on any major turns. and that lack of skills = high anxiety.

i did smoke the entire group on a major hill. and when i say entire group, i mean all of them. except two. my husband & another guy. there were 20 people in our group ... we hit the hill & i go up effortlessly. i am feeling very smug. very smug indeed. i think i have opened up such a huge gap & i see that my husband and the other guy have picked up a couple of riders that were ahead of them & i think i can have a miniscule slow down, catch my breath a bit & still totally catch up to them. and then - much.to.my.dismay - everyone i just smoked starts passing me one by one. WTF? people? hello? what are you doing up here? why are you not back there coughing on the dust i surely left in my 18mph wake?

ugh. no matter. group all back together ... including small group ahead & we head for home ... got to feel all smug again when another fellow came up to admire my very old-school steel bike & said i was a strong rider ... i attacked that hill.

yes. i did. i do love those hills.

third time's a charm

tonight was my 3rd attempt at a club ride.
attempts one and two didn't go so well.
but tonight - the cycling gods were smiling down on me ...

but not before i spent the first 5-6 miles hyperventilating & on the edge of a panic attack.
we roll out - and head into the park & i know what's coming: a hairpin turn. and i am hyperventilating. i kid you not. i think good god, i am going to have a heart attack - how pathetic am i? so anyhow - (insert ride minutiae here-blahblahblah) and then:
we go through the hairpin turn & i go through it faster than i ever have, but i still have to get in the big ring & HAUL ASS to catch up.

hauling ass & hyperventilating do not go so well together. so now i am flying through the park, in the big ring & i do not stop to chat with any other riders that fell off the back like i did last week ... instead - i just fly by them all - with one goal in mind: CATCH THE F--ING GROUP.

i'll spare the minutiae ... suffice it to say: i did indeed catch the group. (feel free to clap here). this was due to the workings of the cycling gods who decided to take mercy on me in the form of a TRAIN! the group gets stopped by a train & here i am ... i roll up to tracks, have time to catch my breath, coax heartrate down & sip my magic elixir h20. it was a beautiful thing. i was here now & knew i was there to stay.

i'm not saying i didn't have to work -- in fact, there was a point at which i told my husband that i thought throwing up was a really viable option ... his response? "good, then you are doing it right".

it was work. but i did it ... and the post ride beer never tasted so good.

still -- cheaper than therapy

i just dropped a small bundle on a SECOND pair of running shoes today. there's nothing wrong with my first pair. they only have 100 miles on them - they're perfectly good.

but my coach told me months ago that i really should have two pairs so i could rotate them. it sounded fairly frivolous & expensive to me ... but i knew he was right. rotating shoes is a good idea.

so, now that i am really on the upswing of this recovery & starting official marathon training as of July 1st - today was the day to drop a small bundle of money on new shoes. dammit.

so i go to the running store today & i totally thought i'd just be getting the same exact pair. this, apparently, is not recommended. i try on 3 shoes & this is the pair that won -- mizuno wave creation 8. i've never run in anything but adidas ... but when i put these on - i loved them. and now that i'm home & have read reviews - i love them even more.

so while they cost a ridiculous amount of money -- my coach said that my legs & feet will thank me because of the rotation ... shoe guy says that rotating shoes will help to lessen the chance of injury - which, theoretically, should lessen the need for physical therapy & deep tissue massages. and running, in general keeps me in such a happy place that it's therapy for the price of some sneakers.

finding my mojo in the hills

given all my issues ... on the bike that is, (there's plenty more issues, but i'd need another whole blog for them) -- there is one thing i do really well: climbs.

i mean, i got it going on in the hills. i love them.

but the thing is - after hearing about the hills that my husband encounters on his rides, i'd been starting to think that the hills i love so much & can just breeze right up as if they aren't even there are probably no big deal - just mere bumps in the road. so i decided that i need to see a real hill - a hill that i had figured would reduce me to tears or vomitting halfway up - whichever came first. i needed to see if i can do it. more importantly, for my own confidence - i really needed to kick the shit out of a real hill and in the process, get a little mojo back.

my husband knew the perfect ride - we planned it all week. i called for sitters (hard to find one that wants to come over at 7 am on a saturday) ... we dropped the kids off at a friends with a couple dozen krispy kreme donuts. nothing like pawning your 3 children off on friends & telling them to get all jacked up on sugar while they're there. good morning!

i had heard about this ride & how gorgeous it is. the quintessential kentucky ride. rolling fields, cows, horses and those endless horse fences all along the way - with the very occasional glimpse of the ohio river. but more to the point & the reason for the ride - i had also heard about the hill and how there is no way to have any momentum going into it - because you make a 90 degree right hand turn onto it & it starts immediately climbing. its actually more than 90 degrees ... i'd say it was more like 100 degrees. and they're not kidding when they say it starts immediately climbing. i had been given all kinds of advice on how to set up for this hill & i had heard so much about it & it was all bad. i spent all week wondering if i could actually do it.

i didn't have to do it fast, i just had to do it.

so - we're riding, we're riding & it is indeed gorgeous - but mostly, i just cared about hitting this hill & getting over it - happily, without losing any steam.

we get to a certain point & my husband tells us to get in the granny gear ... i think, holy shit - now? its here now? (i'd say its about halfway through the ride - about 20 miles in) i didn't put it in the granny gear - mentally, i needed to know i had one more down to go. so i am in second to lowest. and here we are - right hand turn .... and UP UP UP ... holy shit. my husband & friend get out of their saddles & go up ... i get out of mine & up i go ... i saw that they could stay out of their saddles the whole way up .... i didn't think i could make it out of the saddle the whole way (i'm guessing it was about 1/2 mile, 2/3 mile climb?) .... so halfway up, i get back down & put it down one more gear - stay in the saddle & just steadily climb up .... we got to a point at which it levels off a bit & you can catch your breath (and believe me, i had a lot of breath-catching to do)before the next uphill - which isn't as steep, but it's longer ... once i make it over that second climb - the elation i feel over having climbed this hill is overwhelming .... like i just won a 5K overwhelming ... and i am on such an enormous high that i feel like i could climb hills all day. i wanted to go around & do it all over again.

needless to say - making it over that hill did a lot to boost my biking confidence. i may be shit on the turns - but i can kick some ass in the hills.

oh yeah ... and i can run too. today's run was 8 miles. longest since mini marathon. not entirely pain free. but it didn't suck either. i've been leaving the watch and heart rate monitor at home and just heading out with the tunes. it's getting better. slowly, but its moving in the right direction.

so, for someone who is not really running - i've logged 32 miles this week. and for a runner girl pretending to be a biker chick, i logged 95 miles on the bike this week. not bad. not bad at all. must stop beating myself up & worrying about my shortcomings & instead be happy with what i've accomplished.

i got my mojo back yesterday.

it's all good now.