we are trying to get to know each other again. to be friends like we were last summer. i've had mixed emotions about my bike lately. mostly, because being with the bike meant i wasn't running. and anything that kept me from running, or that i had to do in lieu of running - just made me mad. here's the thing about the bike: we were good buddies last summer. we got together all the time and really got to know each other. but now? we just don't get together often enough, and when we do - we just don't get along very well. on the once weekly, or even the pathetically infrequent bimonthly occasion that i do actually get on the bike, i suck at it. i don't know what i expect from once a week or even twice a month, but i've gotten myself into a vicious cycle of: not wanting to get on my bike cause i suck at it, and so, i wouldn't get on it -- which would just escalate that whole i-suck-on-the-bike-cause-i-rarely-get-on-it thing i had going on for me.
i have been trying really hard this past month to make the running work for me. i keep trying to go out and run to see if the physical therapy, or the massage, or two days off from running have worked and made it all better. but four miles into almost every run, i realize it hasn't worked. nothing is really better. but i still go out again and try the next day or the day after that. i think i am trying too hard. this occured to me on the two days i went running last week when it was ridiculously apparent that i was still sick and then when i came home from a run to realize i had almost golf-ball sized swelling on my knee. i think i make things worse for myself. i think i need a break. a mental break from trying so hard to make the running work right now.
which brings me back to my bike. if we want to be friends again, we have to go out more often. i started on this plan on saturday and i geared up and went out for a solo ride. and then today, my husband, who has now also taken on role of bike coach, thought i'd benefit more from getting some one on one coaching & practicing some confidence building skills instead of joining the gang for our regular sunday ride. two laps of our local park - with drills, shifting tips, a bunch of hills and 21 miles later - i do not remember the last time i felt as good on the bike as i did today. hell, i don't remember the last time i felt as good after any workout. it has been over a month since i have arrived on our front doorstep after a workout smiling. whether it was a ride or a run, i was coming home defeated & discouraged. a few more rides like todays' should have me and the bike on the path to a happy and mutually beneficial friendship.
i'll still run while me and the bike get back together. but right now, i need a new focus - my hope here is that the running, like riding a bike - will all come back to me. cause you never forget how to ride a bike, right?