i am back on the club ride program. these are the same rides that my husband would drag me kicking and screaming to last summer. the same rides that i would white knuckle my way through. the same rides where i perfected the art of hyperventilating and the negative self talk that was "i so do not belong here".
i got sick of the hyperventilating. i got sick of chasing the damn group. i got sick of being told i had to get on someone's wheel or i was gonna get hosed. i did have a few brief shining moments on these rides; they all involved climbing a hill fairly victoriously only to be caught again on the downhill and promptly dropped. i took myself off these self-defeating rides at some point last year & wiped my hands clean of them. i didn't need no stinkin' club ride. i was a runner, anyway.
well. i am back on the club ride (entirely self imposed); and have been for about 3 weeks now. i wanted more practice in a pack for the bike races i am now doing. my husband said if i can handle myself in the pack that is a club ride, i can be ready for anything in a race.
i will never forget how i felt the first day i rode up to a club ride meeting place with my husband. i thought surely, everyone could see my heart beating out of my chest. the intimidation factor upon rolling up to a group of people all kitted out in cool team uniforms was enormous. but now? now i ride up to the club ride with three races under my belt all kitted out in my own team uniform.
i used to dread the moment that i got spit off the back and found myself all alone. but now, even though i may still fall off the back and find myself all alone; its its the back of the front group, and i am still part of a team - cause my jersey and shorts say so. and i am totally digging that and eating it up. i love seeing everyone's green jersey and knowing that's who i need to be with. and when you're with them; training, riding and racing tips are handed out like candy.
i need to ride this wave for a little while. and while i feel its' almost sacriledge to say it - there is something here that the running never gave me; and i need to keep figuring it out. i know this blog is called see zanne run; but i just hope y'all will indulge me (take note, yankee girl just said y'all) - if you haven't figured it out already, i really think its gonna be a little more of see zanne ride. so even though i rode through the park today & saw a group of people running the trails and thought that looked really fun, and was completely intrigued by the people at the park running with parachutes attached to their backs (someone please tell me what that is all about, cause i am dying to know); and i'll keep running a little bit, just to make sure my legs don't forget how to do it - this sabbatical from running may be extended until further notice.
there's something to be said for lining up at the start line of your first ever bike race, and then the next and the next and not feeling the slightest bit nervous. and there is something to be said for finally reaching your goal of finishing the club ride with the front pack - okay, i didn't finish with the front pack, but rather was rain-delay dead last on the front pack. but still. it was the front pack and pack number two didn't roll in until a good 5 minutes later. there's always next week. at any rate - there's something to be said for it all and i don't know what it is, but i intend to find out. its either complete stupidity, or the sign of promise. i need to figure out which one it is.