i did the unthinkable

it was a gorgeous day out. and i mean gorgeous. sunny, 38 degrees. an absolutely perfect day for a nice long run. i have a great new playlist that is just begging to be taken on a run, and i felt so great from yesterdays' very promising 4 mile pain free run and i was so optimistic about my knee not screaming at me anymore, that i was just dying to get outside.

and here's where i did the unthinkable. for me, anyway. you see, it would be just like me to be feeling so great and be so eager to try to run farther, faster, longer and potentially hose myself with another week of knee issues. i mean, i would totally do that. but on this stunning day, i went to the gym and cranked out 3.5 miles on the elliptical. then,

wait for it.
wait for it.

i. got. on. the. treadmill.

all those days of running in 11 degree weather, torrential downpours, 35 mph winds and being very proud of the fact that there is no weather that would force me onto a treadmill -- there i was, cranking out 1 measly mile on a gorgeous sunny day - inside. what had become of me?

here's what i think happened: somewhere along the way, and i don't know where or when it happened, it could just be a fluke - i got a weensy bit smarter. i thought: sure - yesterdays run was without a doubt, the best since the marathon, no knee issues whatsoever. lets not rush into this zanne. i know you are dying to run more than 4 miles so you can feel normal again. hell, i know you're dying to just run two days in a row. but how about if you just do one more day of cross training, and maybe a short stint on the treadmill to see how the knee goes? just to be really sure yesterday wasn't a fluke and it really is all good. then, after your magic mojo massage at physical therapy tomorrow, you could see what she says & go for 5 miles tomorrow afternoon. how does that sound?

i actually listened to myself. despite the gorgeous day, the new tunes, and the fact that my heart was just begging me to go run and soak it all in; i really wanted to make sure the deal was sealed. so i worked up a good sweat, got my heartrate way up on the elliptical - did 3.5 miles, then cranked out a good mile on treadmill - i felt great, but time constraints kept me from going longer, which is just as well i guess. but my knee never said a thing. beauty. i fully expect to be back in the game by monday. three weeks after the marathon. that's not so bad. as far as injuries go, this was way minor & pretty short lived. phew!

four miles

i don't know if the ITB thing is totally better,
all i know is i just ran four miles.
four pain free,
non stop miles.
my knee never said a thing.
not a whisper.
not a whimper.
i could have very easily kept going,
but i thought it would behoove me to leave the party while it's still fun.

runs with dog

at least, i am trying to run with dog. this is mabel. we used to run together all the time. and it was great - cause she is fast as hell and she could run forever. she never wanted to stop. the perfect training partner. our short lived running romance ended the day we were running in the park and a cyclist rode by us - too close and too fast - mabel freaked out and ran in front of me, then stopped dead in her tracks and because we were literally attached at the hip by her leash, i fell over her and the two of us were a crying jumble of runner girl and dog. and even though i was the one with bloody hands and knees, she was crying more than me. i tried to run with her after that, but every time we went out & got passed by a car or a bike, she would freak out & stop dead in her tracks. and because i was always on some sort of prescribed run and pace, i'd spend more of the run pissed off at her for stopping and messing with my mojo. so after that, i'd gear up for runs and ignore her excitement when she saw me put my running shoes on, and i would leave her home. my husband said that she'd just watch out the window and whimper till i got home. after a while, when she realized i wasn't going to take her anymore, she just stopped expecting it.

well. i figure now that i am not on any sort of training schedule, prescribed paces or mileage (and that is still a hard pill to swallow - i hate the willy-nilly lost feeling it gives me ... ok. moving on) it is the perfect time to try and run with mabel again. so we went for a little 3 mile run tonight. and for better or worse, this pathetic 3 mile run in which i had to stop 4 times for either my knee or my skittish dog was the best run i have had in two weeks (since that hilly mofo of a marathon).

i spent much of the run either talking to my knee, or my dog:

to my knee: ooh! look at us. wow, we are doing great. omg. thank you. do you see how nice this feels? don't you get it? it could always be like this. omg. this feels great. i feel great. i love running. this is going to be a good run. oh thank god. its all fixed. we're all better. maybe we can do 10 miles tomorrow and feel normal again. see how happy we can be when we work together? ok. whoa. what are you doing? i hear you. we were doing so great. didn't you feel how nice that was? oh for the love of god, what are you doing? why do you have to mess with everything? pleasepleaseplease. stay with me. stay. with. me. ok. fine. we'll walk.

to my dog: good girl! good girl! this is fun. you are doing great. come on. come on. (approaching car) goodgirlgoodgirlgoodgirl. see! not so bad! you're fine. you're fine. its ok mabel, its ok. its just a car. there. see. you are okokokok. good girl. good girl. see. you like this? maybe you will run on the trails with me someday. oh this is good. you're doing great. ok. its just a car. you want to just stay behind me? that's fine. just dont trip me and run in front of me. ok. that's just another runner. oh, gosh, i wish i could run that fast right now. ok, see. you're fine. goodgirlgoodgirlgoodgirl. what? wtf? there's nothing there! no car! what! why did you stop! for the love of god dog, lets go. you're fine. ok. fine. we'll walk.

despite the stop and go and go and stop, we rounded the corner home - running & happy. i for one, had a huge grin on my face and perhaps mabel did too - i'm not sure. despite the fact that i ran 3 measly miles and had to stop 4 times during said 3 mile measly run, the stops to walk were short, the running intervals were longer and the pain in my knee was more of a dull ache than a pain, and there may be some promise in mabel if i don't take her down the busiest street in town. it was still the best run i have had in two weeks. things are looking up. a little bit. there's still an undercurrent of lost-ness. there's that whole sick sad thing at being blue over no schedule, no exact date of any race or goal on the horizon. but still. things are looking up!

if anyone has any advice on how to run with your dog -
bring it on!!

operation attitude adjustment

a little light bulb went off the other day. actually it was two lightbulbs, or maybe it was three. the first one was:

• get to a happy place before my husband packed up the kids & left me to my sad sorry pathetic whiny self. am sure he wishes this lightbulb had gone off several days ago.
• the second was the realization that while my head and heart had no intention of resting, my body clearly had other ideas and forced me into rest by messing with my illiotibial band mojo. i should just be a grownup and listen to it and go with it. yeah - this one took me a week to figure out.
• thirdly, it might hurt too much to run more than 2 miles, but there were other things i could do. i should do them. this too, took me a shamefully long time to come to terms with. i couldn't see beyond the whole ithurtstoomuchtorunbutthatsalliwanttodo.

i am a work in progress, people. a work in progress. and so operation attitude adjustment began on wednesday. first order of the day was a fast angry swim that resulted in a nice little swimmy pr. i finally got my mile-in-30-minutes swim. well, close enough - i counted my laps, plugged it into log and it spit out .99 of a mile. i'm calling it good. fast angry swims do wonders for taking the edge off.

the next day, i went to the gym and got on the elliptical machine. and after i got over the fact that i am a total gym dork and didn't even know if i was on the right contraption, and didn't even know how to start it and almost fell off of it when i tried to read a magazine, all while desperately trying to look like i knew what the hell i was doing - once you figure it out and get going; if you close your eyes and listen to happy tunes, and move your legs and break a serious sweat - even though you are not outdoors moving forward through the world, it still takes the i'm-not-running-right-now edge off.

the other thing that takes the edge off is finding out what exactly is wrong with your damn knee. i finally got in to see my physical therapist today. it had been seven months since i was there last and it would seem that a few of my bio mechanical issues had come back to haunt me since my last visit. my left leg is slightly shorter, this results in my left hip getting torqued back after months of running which makes left leg even shorter and then it all goes downhill from there. i had been keeping everything in a happy place with my regular massage, i've been faithfully doing my keep-my-hips-aligned exercises for the last seven months, and hadn't had any hip pain whatsoever for months. but things had still gotten out of whack and this time it affected my knee. so i got popped and yanked back into place. the diagnosis on my knee? exactly as i had thought thanks to the magic of google: it is an illiotibial band thing. she said they can get pretty bad and mine didn't seem to be anywhere near pretty bad. in a way, it was good that it was too painful to run through, becasue if i could have run through it i would have - which would have made it much worse. but the pain just stopped me dead in my tracks. and this was good i guess. it made me listen. she did her magic ASTYM massage and i'll go back next week for two more. i can try to run in 2 days - run 5 minutes, walk 1, run 5 minutes, walk 1 - for 2 miles to start. knowing exactly what is wrong and taking measures to fix it always does wonders for the attitude.

the other item on my operation attitude adjustment plan was going to see the spirit of the marathon. i knew i would love this movie - i was hooked with the first line and wiping away the tears by the end. and i was already planning marathon number 4 by the time i walked out of the theater. (truth be told, i was planning it last week, but the marathon movie sealed the deal). the best part was that it was a date night with my husband. the fact that he even wanted to spend any time at all with me after the piss poor mood i have been in all week, and to spend time with me at a running movie of all things and watch me cry over it is just further testament to the fact that the man should be canonized.

i've just loaded up my old friend waterproof ipod with some groovin' new tunes and i'm off to the pool for a pool run. i never thought i'd see the day where i'd voluntarily subject myself to the mind-numbingness that is pool running without having it officially on a schedule. but here i am. happily headed off to the pool - a self imposed pool run. i think operation attitude adjustment is working.

enjoy the recovery?

everyone says i should enjoy the recovery time. i think this is a crock. i keep trying to embrace the downtime. be one with it. i mean maybe, just maybe if i could get out and run more than two miles at a time without my knee hurting like a mother, i could handle this grinding halt of all things runningtrainingschedule-related much better. but i've become a statistic. one of those post marathon injury statistics. i've been on the google, i've talked to friends. i have self diagnosed & think i know what it is. crazy common and totally fixable - which is all well and good, but i want it fixed right NOW. or, how about NOW. physical therapy is on friday. friday can't get here fast enough. because right now, my whole body, mind and heart are just screaming to run. and i mean screaming. i'm trying to be a grownup, but instead i've been reduced to a big whinybabypeepeepants. i'm not proud of this. i am trying to realize that these things happen and be okay with it. and in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. its' a little tiny blip. my husband tries to explain that i should be thankful that i just got through 30 weeks of training and two marathons without any injuries. its just like him to look at the bright side, when i am busy looking at my half empty glass. so i now find myself in a perpetual state of mad. in fact, i might explode soon. this post marathon thing wouldn't be so bad if i could just go out for a run.

oh. wait.
i can't do that.
it hurts too much.
%$*&#@!