Sep 28, 2007

gratitude

i was tired this week. so tired i could barely function. there were 2 days this week that i fell onto the couch into such a deep stupor that i was dreaming about napping. about needing a nap. about where i would nap. about how long i could afford to nap. i'm dreaming all this. while napping.

and so of course when i am upright & semi-lucid,
i do one of the things i do best.
i panic.
about this tiredness.
i don't see a reason for it.
and i think something is wrong with me. i'm not normal. is this normal?
so i think: ohmygodiamsotiredicantstanduphowamigoingtoqualifyforboston?
you know - cause that makes sense.

the most logical explanation for certain things never even occurs to me. and i mean never. well. almost. never. sometimes it does, but not usually. i am a worst case scenario girl. and that is always the first thought.

and i realized; well, truth be told, i realized nothing - it had to be spelled out for me by my husband & coach (because of course, i needed feedback on my panic. panic feedback):
my husband is out of town this week. it's just me. and three kids.
while recovering from a 51 mile week.
and so, duh ... this is why i am tired.
my own idiocy & inability to see the logical explanation never ceases to amaze me.

and it takes this debillitating tiredness to appreciate my husband ... in that, you don't know what you got till its gone way. i mean, i know what i got. he's amazing. but i'm not sure i understood the magnitude of his support until he was gone - i go to bed early ... to stretch, to stick myself - to do whatever it is i need to do to qualify for boston. which sometimes means reading inspiring running stories. or, um ... Us Weekly. he takes care of the kids & the entire households' evening activities ... the dishes, the dogs, the signing of reading logs, the kids' lollygagging & prolonging their bedtimes, he does all the rubbing of their feet & backs, the teeth brushing, the umpteen trips to the bathroom, the reading with them, the telling them to stop jumping on their beds, the cracking of skulls and the sweeping, if-i-have-to-come-up-here-one-more-time announcements.

he does it all -
so i can go to sleep early & get up to run.
and we do it all over again.

and he puts up with my insanity, intensity, absurdity ... i swear, he was a psychiatrist in a past life, cause he can read me like a book - and i'll tell you - this book is whack. i'd never be where i am without him. i don't know how i would accomplish what i have without him. this training doesn't go as smoothly without him.

i'm spoiled. i'm lucky. i'm blessed. i'm loved.

and i'm waiting for him to come home -
cause i have got to get back on my 9pm bedtime program.

thanks babe.
just 3 more weeks of crazy.
you know,
untilirecoverandstartalloveragain.

10 comments:

Ovens2Betsy said...

I'm not surprised to hear your husband is as special as you are! What an adorable couple.

Fortunately I've somehow managed to rope my own hubby into my madness since I'm not sure he'd put up with me otherwise!

Vegan Run Amok said...

What a sweet post! What an awesome spouse! Yay!

Non-Runner Nancy said...

owwwwww, very nice. He will love reading this while he is gone. He sounds like an awesome guy. And even if he is and you know it and he knows you know it, it's great that you say it once in a while. Good for you. You both sound like keepers to me!!

On the tiredness, have you looked at your diet? Pretty common to get up in the high mileage and get low in iron. Low iron will make you very tired...

erin said...

i feel for you. you know i do. because it is hard while the hubby is out of town and you are on your own. and i feel with you. because i, too, am lucky and blessed and loved. feels good, doesn't it?

Amanda said...

i think marathon bill put it best that sometimes we forget that our running doesn't just effect us, it effects all those around us and it's not just our work that makes our goals possible but their sacrificies and their love that makes it possible too.

sweet dreams and enjoy a little down time..it's almost taper right?

Tall Girl Running said...

Such a fitting post. I've long thought the spouses of marathoners should get a finisher's medal themselves. :-)

Been meaning to tell you how much I enjoyed your picture albums! Your family is beautiful.

Hang in there. The taper cometh.

Vickie said...

Lucky you! Give that man a hug and be so thankful he "gets" it. As for the tiredness, I hate to say it now, but I will. In a week or so you will be going crazy with taperitis. Somewhere in between things will normalize!

Christy said...

What a great husband!

It's almost taper time...your body is asking for rest! Enjoy your taper!

Andria said...

Aww. He's awesome! What a blessing to have him with you. It's not an easy thing to train to qualify for Boston. It's wonderful that he can understand how much it means to you.

Laurel said...

Wow, what a tribute I am in tears!

I love how you threw US Weekly in there. My husband keeps renewing my subscription without me asking. He too, can read me like a book and knows it takes very simple pleasures to make me happy.

Husbands rule!