Dec 4, 2007

close call on a closeout



i was this close to falling off the wagon.
like, the smallest unit of measurement close.

so i'm at big lots.
and i'm hungry. and this is the kiss of death. to be hungry.
and i am standing in line,
when what to my wandering eyes should appear,
but my most favorite candy in the whole wide world.
on sale. and i never see this candy anymore.
and in my past sugar-laden life, when saw it, i'd buy it. cause i think its' almost extinct.
my god. it must be a close out. cause i'm at big lots. that's what they do, right?
there's a chance this is it. the last chuckles i'll ever see.
i am in week four of no sugar. week four people. and i thought i was doing well. but its chuckles.
so i wonder, for way longer than a moment - what would happen if i bought it. and then if i bought it, what would happen if i ate it. no one had to know. i didn't have my cell phone. couldn't call a sponsor. and this assumes that i wanted to.

i picked it up.
i put it back down.
then i picked it up again.
and this is where i saw the slippery slope that it could be. i'd start making excuses about why i needed to go to big lots. i'd be in the closet, eating chuckles. soon i'd be on the streets, in and out of rehab. what happened to mommy? she went back to the sugar kids. chuckles were on sale.
i put it down.

so that brazen announcement i made a few posts back?
that one where i got all cocky and said:
don't mess with me sugar, i am over you.
not so much, i guess. shit.
but. i am still on that wagon.


9 comments:

Non-Runner Nancy said...

ooooooooooooooooooo very close call.

Way to stay strong. You are thinking about what would happen on the other side if you did it and that is the key to behavior change. Maybe you didn't know that?? but I actually lecture and give workshops on behavior change. :D Just don't ask me to apply it to me. hee hee

You did exactly the right thing. Instead of shoving the future consequences aside and out of mind for a few moments of pleasure (and let's face it they would be very short-lived), you put them front and center.

BRAVO, a case study in health behavior change. :D :D

Frayed Laces said...

I am so impressed. I used to avoid all kinds of food like that, but for some reason my eating habits have declined considerably as my miles have increased. After this marathon (or lack thereof) I want to jump back on the nutrition bandwagon, but honestly don't think I have the willpower you do. Speaking of which, time to go tend to my cookie induced sugar headache. ugh.

Vickie said...

I told you, it NEVER goes away. You just have to learn to control it, which you did! And you're right, if you got back on the sugar wagon, you would be making excuses to seek out your favorite snacks. Just remember, they are not food. They will not nourish you! Its hard, I know.

Vickie said...

As a P.S., I think the cravings come from not only having the addiction, but once you start doing those hard workouts its the idea that you worked hard, you burned LOTS of calories, so I can reward myself with a treat. And to a point you can, but once you start, it is harder to stop, as you are finding out. It is easier to not start.

hill road erin said...

chuckles are my favorite too! you are a much stronger woman than i am....here i am thinking if i will be by big lots later on today.

Jamie said...

I am very impresssed! Way to stay on the wagon. Sometimes I am able to do that but usually I say screw it and buy it. You may not be over sugar but you can face sugar head on and say no way :)

monicac2 said...

Good one!!

Have you found that you are losing weight? Last year, I gave up sugar for about a month and lost about 2-3 pounds - perfect, as it was all in my mommy pooch! This year, I gave up sugar for three months and lost 10 pounds - and I was not eating super-healthy or dieting at all, other than giving up refined sugar. Losing 10 pounds was not a good thing when I was only 124 pounds to begin with (I'm almost 5'6").

So, of course, for the last 4 months, I've been on a sugar RAMPAGE - although, thankfully, since I've been running so much (well, ahem, relatively speaking, LOL), I've only put back on about 5 of those pounds, which is fine. When I finish my half-marathon, though ... I'm going to need some way to put the brakes on!!!

Vegan Run Amok said...

You are so GOOD. And I am SO bad right now.

You are, like, my sugarfree hero.

Gotta Run said...

You know I am only a phone call away!! You are kicking this thing and good!

I had a true sugar dessert this past weekend following the 2 week sugar detox and it just about made me sick. It was toxic to my body and totally not worth it.

Keep it up!!!