i was this close to falling off the wagon.
like, the smallest unit of measurement close.
so i'm at big lots.
and i'm hungry. and this is the kiss of death. to be hungry.
and i am standing in line,
when what to my wandering eyes should appear,
but my most favorite candy in the whole wide world.
on sale. and i never see this candy anymore.
and in my past sugar-laden life, when saw it, i'd buy it. cause i think its' almost extinct.
my god. it must be a close out. cause i'm at big lots. that's what they do, right?
there's a chance this is it. the last chuckles i'll ever see.
i am in week four of no sugar. week four people. and i thought i was doing well. but its chuckles.
so i wonder, for way longer than a moment - what would happen if i bought it. and then if i bought it, what would happen if i ate it. no one had to know. i didn't have my cell phone. couldn't call a sponsor. and this assumes that i wanted to.
i picked it up.
i put it back down.
then i picked it up again.
and this is where i saw the slippery slope that it could be. i'd start making excuses about why i needed to go to big lots. i'd be in the closet, eating chuckles. soon i'd be on the streets, in and out of rehab. what happened to mommy? she went back to the sugar kids. chuckles were on sale.
i put it down.
so that brazen announcement i made a few posts back?
that one where i got all cocky and said:
don't mess with me sugar, i am over you.
not so much, i guess. shit.
but. i am still on that wagon.