Jul 10, 2007

inside my head

my husband & i just got back from a club ride & he wants to know what's inside my head. more specifically, i think he said "what the hell is going on in there?" -- it had been raining & a guy pulled a u-turn in front of us on the way to ride. messed with my mojo. early in the ride, my husband knows i'm wiggy & all messed up. and so, he says ... "you have got to get on someone's wheel or you are never gonna make it". this was an excellent example of foreshadowing. i wish i had known this so i just could have turned around and gone home.

whoa? ... where are you all going so fast? no one told me we were going to be shot out of a cannon when that light turned green. ok. i can do this. i'll just get on his wheel. shit. i lost him. ok. i'll get on his wheel. dammit. where the hell is he going? oh look at that - a light. ok. here i am. man, this riding through downtown is bullshit. go fast. stop for light. go fast. stop for light. ok. here we are. river road. shit. husband up ahead with small group. ooh get on this guys' wheel. sweet. he'll bridge the gap. wtf are you doing? you are pulling off? that was your pull? you gotta be kidding me. holy shit. ok. fine. i'll pull. gogogogogogo. omg. this is hard. am dying here. fucking tired now. i can pull off now. respecatble short pull. ok. pull off. omg. that was a big line behind me. hey - did that guy just say "nice pull"? i like him. ok - last person. move into line. jesus. feels like they are going really fast. look at speed thingy. 21.5. jesus. what is your problem? you can do that. this feels wildly fast. its not though. when can i have water? i really need water. not sure i can take hand off bike. wtf is my problem? why is this so hard? whoa! where did they go? shit. i fell off that fast? dammit. gogogogogogo. catch up. can i cry now? i can't catch up. hmmmm. sort of feel like throwing up. god. throwing up on bike would suck. i bet i'd fall. throwup AND feel what road rash is like. that would suck. oh god. they are really far. this is shameful. god? are you there? could you just make my legs spin faster? and get some more oxygen into my lungs? ok. snap out of it. get your shit together. you can do this. suck it up. dig in. oh now this is really bad. its just me. i'm all alone. amazing how fast that happens. am i still even on this ride? did they turn down that road? hey. buck up. there is still another whole group behind you. you were in the front pack. oh jesus! do not under any circumstances let 2nd group catch up. look behind. ok. they are nowhere to be seen. i got a lot of wiggle room here. just in case you want to fuck up this ride any more. who is that up there? is that ... it is! my husband. stopped. to wait for me. oh boy. don't ask how long he's been there. don't need to know. ok. we are turning. here's where i do my best work. where i smoke everyone on the hill. only shit. there's no one to smoke. and oh my god. what are you doing? are you actually having trouble on this hill? what the hell is wrong with you? this is your thing. the hills. did you eat anything today? breakfast? check. lunch? check. carrots. nice choice. healthy. bagel before ride. ok. good. then what the hell is wrong with you girl? what are you doing? good god - does your speed thingy actually say 9mph? you should just hang it up now. did my husband just ask me when i was going to stop this 15mph bullshit? yes he did. dig in. i can't do it. i don't care. i'm done. where's the sag wagon?


            Anonymous said...

            sometimes you beat the bike and sometimes the bike beats you. don't let it get you down. everyone has bad days on the bike.

            besides...you're a runner girl.

            Gotta Run..... said...

            How you could capture all of those thoughts just amazes me! It is so what happens!!!

            Our ride got rained out once the lightening, rain, and 50mph wind gust arrived. I was more than pissed!!

            Sounds like you still kicked ass!

            zanne said...

            haha. i appreciate the support, but i so did not kick any ass. my own damn ass got kicked. mostly by me & the crazy thoughts in my head!