Jul 7, 2008

faking it

i'm sure y'all came here thinking i have moved on from my usual banal boob banter and am taking things up a notch by talking about faking it. and you'd be right. i'm totally working on faking it this week. its tough. a total mind game. but i have been practicing a few nights a week, and i think i am getting better at it. my husband and i are even going to get up at 5am this wednesday to practice some more: we're gonna get all decked out in green spandex and go outside to ride fast around the neighborhood blocks; cause i've been working on faking a love for and confidence in criteriums.

i started thinking that my usual modus operandi of thinking: i hate crits and crits scare the shit out of me wasn't serving me very well. figured things were turning into a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. i need a healthy dose of crit and cornering confidence. that, or, as more than one person has said to me: i need to crash. but since that hasn't happened yet and there is no pill that i know of that i can take and downing a bottle of wine beforehand to take the edge off won't do me any good, i have no choice right now but to fake it and just trick myself and talk myself into liking them.

it goes something like this: i'm on a ride, or a team training cornering clinic and a turn is about to come up; instead of thinking, i'm gonna get dropped. everyone is going to pass me. i suck at turns. i start my stewart smalley cornering affirmations: you are good enough. you are fast enough. you will rock this turn and doggone it, you look damn good in green spandex. mostly, i am trying to shut up the other little voice that says, hang it up, you are a total pussy.

this is working. sort of. the confidence is s l o w l y but surley coming. okay. confidence is a strong word. as is surely. but occasionally, i can take a turn without sloughing off all my speed by braking and this is so monumental i feel the need to announce joyously to everyone around me: "i didn't even brake!!!".

all the i love cornering and criteriums mind games are because i am racing in two crits this weekend. they will be crits number 3 and 4 respectively. the first crit i came in rain delay dead last. the second crit i still came in dead last, but dead last right behind the girl in front of me. and as the only cat 4 rider in that highly technical and jacked race, it was a significant improvement. i have some goals for this weekend, but they are all dependent on the cornering affirmation voice being louder than the hang it up, you're a pussy voice.

so, i am hoping that all the practice serves me well. wait a minute, scratch that. this weekend, i am totally going to rock the crits. a .75 mile course with 8 turns? child's play. bring it on. i love crits.

gulp.

9 comments:

Vegan Run Amok said...

Stuart Smalley, ha ha, I love it! I bet the positive self-talk does help, though. I should probably try it on the next steep downhill I have to do. That still scares the hell out of me!

Holden said...

I always thought Crits were like roller coasters. They scared the shit out of me and I couldn't wait for them to be over and I was a nervous wreck hoping not to wreck but then afterwards, I couldn't wait for the next one.

Simple rules:
- Stay at the front
- Hold your line
- Keep the rubber side up
- Sprint early aka the Diesel Sprint

SLB said...

Reasons why we love Zanne:

1. She is balls to the wall!
2. She is balls to the wall!
3. She is balls to the wall!

Gotta Run said...

Rock Star... that is all I can say.

Own it girl... you are all over this event this weekend.

pricklypearbloom said...

Good luck. You're going to rock it.

pamster said...

Can't wait to hear the report for these races this weekend! You go girl!

Steve Stenzel said...

Good luck with the confidence building!! Now, bring on that "boob banter!"

;-)

Vickie said...

You'll do great!

Judi said...

Hey - thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll be in the women's tent helping out. I wish there was more volunteers needed for bike catch or something. Anyways, I am driving down from Cinti and will be there from maybe 3p-7p. Shoot me a note if you want to meet up!