i'm sure y'all came here thinking i have moved on from my usual banal boob banter and am taking things up a notch by talking about faking it. and you'd be right. i'm totally working on faking it this week. its tough. a total mind game. but i have been practicing a few nights a week, and i think i am getting better at it. my husband and i are even going to get up at 5am this wednesday to practice some more: we're gonna get all decked out in green spandex and go outside to ride fast around the neighborhood blocks; cause i've been working on faking a love for and confidence in criteriums.
i started thinking that my usual modus operandi of thinking: i hate crits and crits scare the shit out of me wasn't serving me very well. figured things were turning into a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. i need a healthy dose of crit and cornering confidence. that, or, as more than one person has said to me: i need to crash. but since that hasn't happened yet and there is no pill that i know of that i can take and downing a bottle of wine beforehand to take the edge off won't do me any good, i have no choice right now but to fake it and just trick myself and talk myself into liking them.
it goes something like this: i'm on a ride, or a team training cornering clinic and a turn is about to come up; instead of thinking, i'm gonna get dropped. everyone is going to pass me. i suck at turns. i start my stewart smalley cornering affirmations: you are good enough. you are fast enough. you will rock this turn and doggone it, you look damn good in green spandex. mostly, i am trying to shut up the other little voice that says, hang it up, you are a total pussy.
this is working. sort of. the confidence is s l o w l y but surley coming. okay. confidence is a strong word. as is surely. but occasionally, i can take a turn without sloughing off all my speed by braking and this is so monumental i feel the need to announce joyously to everyone around me: "i didn't even brake!!!".
all the i love cornering and criteriums mind games are because i am racing in two crits this weekend. they will be crits number 3 and 4 respectively. the first crit i came in rain delay dead last. the second crit i still came in dead last, but dead last right behind the girl in front of me. and as the only cat 4 rider in that highly technical and jacked race, it was a significant improvement. i have some goals for this weekend, but they are all dependent on the cornering affirmation voice being louder than the hang it up, you're a pussy voice.
so, i am hoping that all the practice serves me well. wait a minute, scratch that. this weekend, i am totally going to rock the crits. a .75 mile course with 8 turns? child's play. bring it on. i love crits.