ca·thar·sis: noun. A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit
also known as mile repeats.
i left the house this morning and didn't feel at all good about the task that lay ahead. i had stayed up too late, i had 2 glasses of wine last night - which at this point in training, is two too many. and i was stressed to the max. only i didn't really know exactly how stressed i really was. not until after my first lap.
i slowly started down my street & thought this workout would end
with me throwing up or quitting, or both.
i did the slow 1.2 mile warmup to the start.
i stood at the yellow line that marked the beginning of my mile lap
i do not want to do this, i do not want to do this
and i paced circles in front of the line. for too long.
and then i just went ...
a mile is a long thing.
long enough to think about the things that you are trying not to think about.
the things that are beyond your control.
the things that happen to people you love & you try to help, you want to help but you don't know how. and you are so mad anyway that they, and now you, are in this position - you think you can push it aside & not care, and instead - just be angry.
a mile is long enough to channel all the angry energy into speed.
but it somehow doesn't feel speedy ... i feel slow.
why am i so slow?
it's ok ... i'll chalk it up to bad mojo.
i'm out here, and that's going to have to be good enough for today.
i don't even know what my legs are doing.
i feel like i am sleeping.
and dreaming of running.
the angry goes away a little.
mile one is over.
i nailed the target pace. how the hell did that happen?
i gave up a half mile back.
and then the next surprise:
the flood of tears that i was powerless to stop.
so there i am, in the middle of the street, thankful for the cover of darkness - sobbing.
i sort of wonder where the hell it came from, but i know its' been a couple of months' in the making. nothing like a little marathon training to bring out the stuff you don't want to deal with.
and so i start the madness all over again. another lap. and then another.
each lap started with the same mantra:
i do not want to do this i do not want to do this.
each lap ended in tears.
each lap hit the target.
and then, it was over.
a little weight had been lifted.
a little spirit had been refreshed.