Aug 16, 2007

she who runs with big dogs

still.
i can still run with the big dogs.

after a 14 week hiatus of running with this group, i didn't know this would be the case. i had freaked myself out (this is a recurring theme - i can freak myself out like nobody's business) --worrying about the paces i had heard they were running; and thinking about my last run with the group, a week after the mini marathon - which was less than stellar ... and the following week of having to bow out, knowing that if i went, my leg/hip/back might never speak to me again. i had no idea that day that it would be 14 weeks before i would run with this group again. by then, my nameless injury was in full force - trying to keep up with the big dogs was not an option & the runs were officially off my schedule.

a big dog run is an ass-kicking, shit hard workout. for me. a race pace run, every thursday at 5am ... the runs were a blur of trying to keep up, wanting to stop, cry or both ... but always happy at the end that for the most part - save for that elusive last mile or so, i could keep up a pace that i would never do on my own - and i didn't drop dead doing it. so as much as i dreaded this run & whined about it every wednesday night, i totally missed it when i wasn't there. they made me work harder and they made me faster.

when my coach first told me i'd be running with "the big dogs" (they have another name, but this is how he first referred to them, so in my head - they are the big dogs) ... i almost hyperventilated. like the heartrate monitor, it was another rite of passage, but one i felt that i was not ready for. and one that i didn't really want, but at the same time was secretly flattered by the invite. i just imagined that the group was so far out of my league; there was no way i deserved to be running with them. i would joke that i'd need a paper bag to breathe into in the car on the way there ... but after a few weeks of running with them -- i kept up a little longer. i got a little faster. i realized i could run with the big dogs. the performance anxiety was gone.

until last night. after 14 weeks off, it came back with a vengeance & i wanted the paper bag ... to breathe into on the way to run & to throw up in on the way home.

but i didn't need it.

i can still run with the big dogs.

ok, maybe i wanted to throwup a little when i got home.
but i think that was the heat.
nothing a little nap couldn't take care of.
because it still kicked my ass & i fell into an hour and a half stupor.

7 comments:

Airstream345 said...

Told ya you could do it.

Bob Gentile said...

Congrats and way to run with the big dogs!!

erin said...

i never doubted it for a minute.

Gotta Run said...

You would have settled for nothing less than hanging with these dogs!! You are driven and focused. You are a mad, crazy running woman on a mission!!

Tom said...

After 14 weeks--amazing!!!

That must have been thrilling.

Buess that makes you nothing less than a big dog!

Lulu said...

Sounds like running with the training squad I run with... except I am normally at the back:)

Thanks for the comment on you my blog. I don't appear to have a leg length difference, just a quirkly running style which I'm working on correcting...

Great choice of daughter's name if I may say so..

See Zanne Run said...

oh - lulu, i am at the back. last one in every time ...!