i don't know if there are stages of recovery ... am sure if i googled it, there would be.
right now - i'm in the pissed off stage.
is there one of those?
frustration & impatience have moved in ... they aren't going anywhere & i don't really feel like asking them to leave. i'm too pissed. there's room for all of us.
i've been really good. i didn't run for 12 whole &*%^^&* days ... and when i was given the go ahead to try, i did exactly what she said - no more, no less. and then, the next day - i didn't even run again. i didn't even bike - i thought, lets do one full day of rest, just for good measure.
back on the mill at pt today - 2 miles ... wonder if the little old lady next to me heard me muttering fuckfuckfuck (i muttered it way more than a mere 3x, but will spare you) under my breath when i realized that the pain in my way lower back/upper ass was there again.
not whispering. not screaming either, but i heard it loud & clear.
back to the table for a workover. i got stretched, pretzeled, twisted, yanked. i had to jump up down on left leg. OW. on both legs. not a problem. back bends ... a bunch of em ... leg manipulation stuff ... ooh, ouch - hurts right there. hip capsule? what the hell is that? she stretched it. i must google it.
she thinks that perhaps all the leg/hip pain is referred pain from something going on in my back. since that's where the pain originates when running. oy vey. will this end? i so wanted to have a nice clean diagnosis: "oh, you have injured your thingymajingy ... this is how i fix it & get you back on the road again in no time".
this is not so much the case. she seems perplexed. and now i'm pissed.
i can run on grass. flat grass (i.e. no trail running). slowly. for no more than 6 miles or when it starts to hurt - whichever comes first. i left pt & stubbornly went to the park to run. on grass. slowly. 2.4 miles is what came first. i stopped.
there's a clock over there that is ticking. ticking. ticking.
there's a girl here who is dying to run.
my demeanor shows it. my husband could quite possibly have to put me in that rubber room soon.