May 28, 2007

stream of consciousness ...

most of my writing is just this. a total stream of consciousness, a glimpse inside my head.
its a little crazy in there & i thank the people who keep coming back!

and now ... onto my banal whining about my injury/recovery madness:

i have done an inordinate amount of googling lately.
more than anyone should google. really.
it's gotta be bad for me.

there should be some sort of warning when one is trying to self-diagnose - some red signs that come up and say:
for the love of god woman, get off your laptop & tend to your three children.

here's what i've googled: hip caspule, foam rollers, core stregthening exercises, quadratus lumborum (those muscles in my back that when my massage girl is holding one of the rope like things in her hand & choking the life out of it i just want someone to shoot me & put me out of my misery), tennis ball massage, adhesive hip capsulitis, piriformis, sciatica, hammer gel, bike races (if i can't really run, i may as well look for a ONE HUNDRED MILE or, a metric century bike race i can do with my husband -- i never said i was sane).

here's the nutshell report: (i am so not good at things in a nutshell - but here goes):
  • have not been able to run over 4.6 yet. sure - in theory, i could run more. but then i would be back at square one. and i am trying so hard to be a grownup.
  • still running on grass.
  • have lifts in shoe.
  • have consulted with a shoe guru. my shoes are good.
  • i bought a balance board for core exercises.
  • a tennis ball is my new best friend. (very good for lying on top of & massaging the life out of my lower back/upper ass). -- this is much thanks to a reader & commenter - vicki ... thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!
  • the seat on my bike has been raised (this brought about a miraculous change - rode 25 miles yesterday with my seat adjusted & had my first entirely pain free workout in 2 weeks. it then occured to me that the bike was contributing to my problems - wouldn't be the first time i hosed myself.)
and so, in conclusion: reality has set in. i don't think i can wait for someone or something to "fix" this. i need to take a more active part in my recovery. (am sure you are wondering what the hell took me so long to come to this conclusion - i am new at this. the last time i was injured, it did in fact, just get "fixed" ... its a bit different this time). i am beginning to think this is not the sort of thing that will just miraculously disappear; whereby suddenly, i run pain free -- after the magic massage, the magic pain free bike ride etc ... i think i may need to just manage this. do you see how i have prefaced all these statements with "i think"? am just covering my ass ... you know, for the stupidity that is sure to be uncovered in a few more posts.

i think i need to manage it with core strength work, stretching, ice baths, daily tennis ball massage, the considerably more spendy & thus far more infrequent deep tissue massage and physical therapy.

although i must say - i am getting tired of my injury/recovery musings. i almost can't stand to read it myself. almost didn't write anything today ... in looking over this post, that probably would have been better way to go. this has got to be last post regarding the injury that isn't healing as i think it should.


Vickie said...

Don't you ever wonder if going through all this makes it worth it?? I know, its just a small doubt. The more pain, the tougher we are, right?

zanne said...

haha! its a great question & one that a few years back, i would likely answered differently ...(if someone had told me years ago that i'd be doing all this stuff to try & heal somethinig so i could train to run another marathon - i would have thought them insane. i never would have thought myself capable of or willing to go through this s*%t). but - given the whole mind, body, spirit transformation i've gone through over the past year (my first "real" year of serious running/training) -there isn't a doubt in my mind that its worth it!